A Place To Laugh – When You’re In Marketing, Promotion, and Sales.
This is not a White Paper! White Papers pretend to be unbiased.
by Ted Steinberg, Co-Founder.
- Rank has it’s Privilege and Privilege has it’s rank. The greater the rank, the greater the smell!
- Not all your plans are good ones. When you stink, you stink!
- It’s easier to reverse the order of things than to reverse the odor of things.
Two Bad Things About Fish:
- Fish Smell Like House Guests After Three Days!
- Fish Smell Like New Associates After Three Days!
Hungry For Business?
- Very few markets sell customers, fresh or frozen.
- Frozen fish tastes better than frozen customers! Aw!
Two Reasons Why Our Business Is Off:
- Either, nobody knows about us.
- Or they do!
- Focus Groups prove, “if somebody’s crazy, it’s not us!”
- In-House Testing was done by Experts.
- Out House Testing was done by Customers. [Oops, or a word that rhymes with it!]
Legal Maneuvers – part 1:
- The Potty of the 1st pot, pottied in the 2nd pot.
- This explains why plants hate Lawyers, especially From Harvard!
- A Neutral Potty is for customers who have to think it over.
Legal Maneuvers – part 2:
- He Thought He Was Middle Of The Road.
- He Was All Over The Road, So They Fired Him.
- Playing Both Sides Gets You Stabbed In The Front & The Back!
“Once you put it down, you can’t pick it up.” (Mark Twain’s opinion of Henry James’ books. It summarizes my opinion of White Papers.)
Family Business – Part 1: (*Polite Conversation.)
(*AKA, Bad Elevator Pitch.)
- “Dad, how about a raise?”
- “If I paid you what you’re worth, you’d quit.”
- He Did & I Did!
Family Business – Part 2: (*Pleading Telegram.)
(*AKA, Bad Texting Pitch.)
- College Boy: “Dear Dad, No Mon, No Fun, Your Son.”
- Reply: “Too Bad, So Sad, Your Dad.”
(Bankers like this, they understand the meaning!)
Field of Prattle: AKA “Strategy Session”
A Welcome Announcement: “Meeting Adjourned!”
- Heard afterwards: “well, how did you like that B.S.?”
- Reply: “it’s an acquired taste.”
Good News and Bad News – 1: [Surgical Strike.]
“I Have Good News & Bad News,” says the Surgeon, “Which Do You Want To Hear, First?”
- Patient, “The Bad News.”
- Surgeon, “We had to cut off your doo-dad.”
- Patient, “What’s The Good News?”
- Surgeon, “It Wasn’t Cancerous!”
Good News and Bad News – 2: [Cluster Bomb.]
The Chairman of the Board: “I have good news & bad news. Which do you want to hear, first?”
- CEO, “The Bad News.”
- Chairman, “You’re being replaced.”
- CEO, “What’s The Good News?”
- Chairman, “You’re not being indicted!”
- CEO, “Am I fired?”
- Chairman, “I wouldn’t call it that.”
- CEO, “What would you call it?”
- Chairman, “Time off for bad behavior.’
Laugh Loudly when you read this. Everyone will think you’re having a good day!