Funny Side Of The Street: Part 1 (Smell Something?)

A Place To Laugh – When You’re In Marketing, Promotion, and Sales.

This is not a White Paper! White Papers pretend to be unbiased.
by Ted Steinberg, Co-Founder.

Smell Something?

  • Rank has it’s Privilege and Privilege has it’s rank. The greater the rank, the greater the smell!
  • Not all your plans are good ones. When you stink, you stink!
  • It’s easier to reverse the order of things than to reverse the odor of things.

Two Bad Things About Fish:

  • Fish Smell Like House Guests After Three Days!
  • Fish Smell Like New Associates After Three Days!

Hungry For Business?

  • Very few markets sell customers, fresh or frozen.
  • Frozen fish tastes better than frozen customers! Aw!

Two Reasons Why Our Business Is Off:

  • Either, nobody knows about us.
  • Or they do!

Insanity Testing:

  • Focus Groups prove, “if somebody’s crazy, it’s not us!”
  • In-House Testing was done by Experts.
  • Out House Testing was done by Customers. [Oops, or a word that rhymes with it!]

Legal Maneuvers – part 1:

  • The Potty of the 1st pot, pottied in the 2nd pot.
  • This explains why plants hate Lawyers, especially From Harvard!
  • A Neutral Potty is for customers who have to think it over.

Legal Maneuvers – part 2:

  • He Thought He Was Middle Of The Road.
  • He Was All Over The Road, So They Fired Him.
  • Playing Both Sides Gets You Stabbed In The Front & The Back!

White Papers:

“Once you put it down, you can’t pick it up.” (Mark Twain’s opinion of Henry James’ books. It summarizes my opinion of White Papers.)

Family Business – Part 1: (*Polite Conversation.)

(*AKA, Bad Elevator Pitch.)

  • “Dad, how about a raise?”
  • “If I paid you what you’re worth, you’d quit.”
  • He Did & I Did!

Family Business – Part 2: (*Pleading Telegram.)

(*AKA, Bad Texting Pitch.)

  • College Boy: “Dear Dad, No Mon, No Fun, Your Son.”
  • Reply: “Too Bad, So Sad, Your Dad.”

(Bankers like this, they understand the meaning!)

Field of Prattle: AKA “Strategy Session”


A Welcome Announcement: “Meeting Adjourned!”

  • Heard afterwards: “well, how did you like that B.S.?”
  • Reply: “it’s an acquired taste.”

Good News and Bad News – 1: [Surgical Strike.]

“I Have Good News & Bad News,” says the Surgeon, “Which Do You Want To Hear, First?”

  • Patient, “The Bad News.”
  • Surgeon, “We had to cut off your doo-dad.”
  • Patient, “What’s The Good News?”
  • Surgeon, “It Wasn’t Cancerous!”

Good News and Bad News – 2: [Cluster Bomb.]

The Chairman of the Board: “I have good news & bad news. Which do you want to hear, first?”

  • CEO, “The Bad News.”
  • Chairman, “You’re being replaced.”
  • CEO, “What’s The Good News?”
  • Chairman, “You’re not being indicted!”
  • CEO, “Am I fired?”
  • Chairman, “I wouldn’t call it that.”
  • CEO, “What would you call it?”
  • Chairman, “Time off for bad behavior.’

Laugh Loudly when you read this. Everyone will think you’re having a good day!